I am now writing again. I am in a state of pre burnout that I can feel things starting to feel numb. I wanna recenter and bring myself back. Before all these pressure, all these pain made me into this. I love the maturity that these changes came with. I have been so much more responsible. I fell in love with productivity. This time no longer driven by any form of rewards. I just fell in love with being at work.
Might be brought by the completion of my dream workstation. The workspace of which I have been spending my income for the last 8 months.
But I am glad that I have bottomed-out on the material things that I want. Contentment came, without announcement. With a message, and a new beginning. I love how I didn’t know how to pray for it, but still He gave me such.
I haven’t been writing with pen and paper though. I miss being able to pull it out and
scribble good thoughts right away, regardless of the atmosphere. I was once the kind of writer who demands to only write in the cold. Only write when I feel good, or when there is rain. I was so conditional that it slowed me down. I have given my creativity limits when there wasn’t. I was limiting myself beyond just my creativity. I started becoming conditional to most things. And the worst one was my productivity.
There was so much work, bigger opportunities and so much growth. I have so much distaste as to how I faced these before. I kept declining, refusing, thinking I was incapable of these. Until a time that there wasn’t any more chances showing up within 5 months.
Our good old trusty Erika Model M. Writing here has been quite an experience. The legends are clear and they keys are very soft and easy to type on. This photo was taken sometime June 2020.
There wasn’t any movement at all. I was left alone in thoughts of regret and hate and sadness that forced me to re-evaluate where I am, what I have, who I have become and what more could I be.
I started 2021 with a careful pace that I still have to this day. Careful enough to slap cowardice in the face in the event it pops up. I watched hundreds of productivity guide from successful creative agencies (Blind and Futur). These people made me rethink my movement and reaction to the stimuli of growth. I am comfortable that this time, I am heading towards the right direction and this time I am not propelled solely by money.
I am now juggling 5 projects at a time and earning so much more than I did when I was a photographer. I began to feel grateful for the things that I overlook on a daily basis.
Published on: January 7, 2021